Candy Coated Hysteria

Late last night, as I was wandering about the house trying to locate sleep; I decided to a self-breast exam. (You guys do that too, right?)

I got to my left breast and almost instantly felt a very prominent lump. Immediately, I went into sheer panic. Convinced I only had moments to live, I stripped my clothes off. Standing topless in my kitchen, I began to feel the breast in question again. The lump was gone. I panicked again. It was some kind of moveable cancer. I was sure of it. I put my clothes back on and started towards the bedroom to wake up Mr. Boobies. Granted it was 3 a.m. But this was serious.

As I got back into the bedroom, I ran my hand over the offending breast again. There it was. A hard and very obvious lump. I began to cry.

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was wearing a flannel button up shirt. With a pocket. A pocket located on the left side. I reached into the pocket and pulled out a single breast lump, disguised as a Skittle.

From this experience, I've learned three things.

1. I hate Skittles.
2. Never do breast exams at 3 a.m.
3. I have to stop eating candy in bed.

Candy Coated Hysteria