How To Transition Your Co-Sleeping Baby...Errr, Half Grown Man.

The Boss is five now, so we decided it was time to start cutting the umbilical cord. You see, The Boss has slept in bed with us since birth. Everyone warned us not to do it. But Mr. Boobies & I being the rebels that we are, did it anyway. (Don't EVER do this!) I mean, at first it was cute. Kinda like this:

{Image courtesy of Google Images}

With school approaching for The Boss, we felt now an appropriate time to get him into his own digs. I mean, you know how cruel kids are. Can you imagine the flack he'll take for sleeping with his Mommy? I'd hate to have to shank a tot for making fun of him. Not to mention, The Boss isn't getting any smaller. Fortunately for me, my implants are silicone and it'll take more than waking up with a foot wedged into my right boob to pop them. This is how our sleeping arrangement looks now:

I didn't give us faces, because Mr. Boobies and I share a look of pain and anguish that I am not Picasso enough to convey. The Boss, however, is quite happy taking up 75% of our king sized bed.

Enough was enough, I had decided.

So on night one, I wedged into his tiny toddler bed with him. This ALMOST would have been a practical plan pre-ginormous boobies. But the four of us just weren't fitting in there. So I gave up and let him come back to my room. Don't shake your head at me. He was crying and saying things like; "Your boobs are squishing me. This isn't comfortable. I can't sleep."

The following morning we ran right out and bought him a twin bed. He was excited, proud, all that good stuff. Until 'midnight.' (Which is what The Boss calls bedtime.) I laid down next to him and he began his laundry list of why he couldn't go to sleep in his new bed. I stayed firm and he finally fell asleep right around 11:30 p.m. I slithered out of his room and back into my bed. When I woke up at 5:30 the next morning to go pee, I peeked in on him. He was M.I.A.

He was in his sister's room. WIDE AWAKE. At this point, I'm starting to re-think taking on this challenge. Who gets up at 5:30 a.m. without a gun to their head, anyway?

By 8 p.m. last night, he was in full meltdown mode. Clearly he was exhausted. So I volunteered Mr. Boobies to take the shift. But The Boss requested me as his lay down partner. So I laid down with him and he began to tell me how much he HATED midnight. Then he cried for his Dad. (Which was fine with me, because I was now off the hook.)

Mr. Boobies laid down with him and by 8:30, The Boss was OUT! Victory, right? Yep, until 9:15 when The Boss awoke and wondered back to our room. Mr. Boobies escorted him back and laid down with him. Where they BOTH slept until 9:30 this morning. (In a twin size bed.)

The good news is, The Boss appears to be warming up to sleeping in his own room. The bad news is, he has decided that one of us should move in with him. I'm voting Mr. Boobies should take this role. After all, I did carry him for nine months, have him cut from my womb, and nursed him round the clock for the first year of his life. I feel I'm entitled a free pass on this one.

How many of you had to fight this battle? Tips? Suggestions? Children's Nyquil?