It finally happened. After all of these years being judgy, I may actually get to put my skills to good use. I received jury duty papers today!
I'll admit when I realized what it was, I squealed with delight. (I also breathed a sigh of relief. Because what other good news comes from the County Courthouse, right?) I've ALWAYS wanted to sit on a jury. Seriously. I know you guys think I'm bat shit cray. But I have jury shoes that I've never worn. No, really.
I envision a sensible outfit. Black pants, black jacket, and these hot shoes. I'm gonna own that courtroom!
Then I started to dwell beyond my outfit. What if I get sequestered from my family? What if this is a crime involving a child? I'll have to hear details. I'll never get it out of my head. Even worse, (if that's at all possible) what if the potential criminal and his/her family have my image committed to memory and hunt me down for revenge. (Let's be honest you guys, my boobs leave a lasting impression on people. They're a gift and a curse.)
(Sorry, Mr. Boobies...I know you loathe when I flash my boobs around the world wide web. But I'm trying to make a point here.) My boobs make me easily identifiable. Also, my Mom tells me I'm a knockout. So we're going to pretend that I'm an absolute 10 and not easily forgotten. Facts are facts. Because my Mom says so.
Now, let's get back to this whole debacle. Would I love to throw the book at a pedophile? Absolutely. I'd prefer to just fire a bullet at them, but I think if I said such a thing the prosecution would scoop me up. The defense would say pass. (Probably even if I wore the corset. It's a toss up.) What if this involves some young, punk kid who is misguided and maybe got caught with the marijuana? As my Granny would say.
But maybe it's a juicy divorce. Filled with debauchery and dark secrets? That would be bad ass and you guys know it.
So what do I do, Boobie Chasers? Do I go in and just show them Boobies? Or do I act like a total spaz-cake and pray they send me packing? What if the judge is reading this? Why am I asking so many questions? Did I mention I'm a bit paranoid and suffer from an anxiety disorder? Shouldn't that disqualify me?
Have you ever served on a jury? Do you want to? Do you want to do it for me?
Oh hey...before you leave-check out my Dirty Shirty Dirty Hoody giveaway. It's pretty sweet. I'm buying one, because I may have to go into hiding after this and a hoody hides everything. ;)